So we read that Andrew Lloyd Webber is considering hanging up his BBC casting boots to concentrate on a touring version of Jesus Christ Superstar in the US……..
….leaving the field wide open for new players pitching to an eager and no doubt desperate BBC, following reports of sky-high ratings for their latest show, ‘Over the Rainbow’.
We’ve got some suggestions of our own to start the ball rolling….
We’re looking for Martin Guerre – and the other one. The auditions will only be open to identical twins (same sex preferred). They will be put through a tortuous and humiliating ‘audition’ process culminating in a twin sing off, where sibilings go head to head to find which twin is better. The winner will, using the latest holographic techniques, play both parts. His twin will become the understudy.
‘How do you solve a problem like Der Führer?’
Ever thought that ‘Springtime for Hitler’, the Musical featured in ‘The Producers’, could stand on its own as a full length musical? So did we. We will be casting the net for short dysfuncional art students and tall blondes to be Adolf and Eva. And this is a chance to make your Alsation famous in our companion show, ‘Der Führer’s Little Führer’, as we search for Blondi. The show will play for 6 weeks in London before going on a World Tour. Backers required.
‘Wouldn’t it be loverly?’ [no it flippin’ wouldn’t – ed]
Coming to a street (near) where you live. Fame could be yours wiv’ a little bit of luck. Open to anyone born within the sound of bow bells. Candidates will be put through a tough ‘Eliza boot-camp’ to learn skills such as flower-arranging, rhyming slang, and meteorology. The final will consist of an all night dance-off. The winner gets a bonus cameo appearance in EastEnders.